When I was in my late twenties, I married an older man. At the time, I thought it was a great decision. He was smart, successful, and educated. He was also kind and mature. I believed that I was making the right decision. Unfortunately, many years later, my marriage ended in divorce, and I regret having married an older man. In the following article, I will discuss the reasons why it hasn’t worked out for me.
The Pros of Marrying an Older Man
At first, I thought that marrying an older man offered multiple pros. Ultimately, however, only one of them turned out to be true.
Pros:
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Stability – My older husband offered me a stable life. He had a successful career, a mortgage, and a well-established life. He made sure that I knew I was taken care of.
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Security – I felt very secure with my husband. He was mature, responsible, and well-known in his community. He gave me the feeling of safety and security in our relationship.
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Personable – My husband was a great social partner. He was well-liked by everybody he met, and he even helped me make connections in the professional world.
The Cons of Marrying an Older Man
Ultimately, I only experienced a few cons to being married to an older man. However, these cons had a significant impact on my relationship and eventual decision to end our marriage.
Cons:
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Expectations – My husband was very set in his ways, and he had particular expectations for how I should act and behave. This put a strain on our relationship, as I often felt that I was compromising myself to fit his expectations.
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Immature – My husband was very mature in many regards, but in other areas, he was shockingly immature. His inappropriate jokes, for example, often made me feel embarrassed.
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No Adaptability – Perhaps the most difficult aspect of our relationship was that my husband simply could not adapt to change. He was a creature of habit and routine, and he grew very upset if those routines were disrupted, even in the most minimal of ways.
The Impact of Marrying an Older Man on Our Marriage
As I mentioned above, marrying an older man ultimately ended in divorce for me. These were a few of the consequences that I believe were the result of our age difference.
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Disconnect – Over time, I developed a bitter resentment for my husband. I started to feel that he wasn’t meeting many of my needs, and I grew distant and disconnected.
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Resentment – I felt as though I had been forced into sacrificing my own needs and wants to makes things easier for my husband. Eventually, this resentment built up and caused a huge rift in our relationship.
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Pressure – As our relationship began to deteriorate, I felt a lot of pressure to make it work. My age difference was constantly brought up, and my husband and his family felt that I should make the effort to make our relationship work. Ironically, their pressure made it hard for me to open up and try to fix what was wrong.
The Benefits of Learning from My Experience
Although my marriage ended in divorce, I still find that there are benefits to be had from this experience. Here are a few of the lessons I’ve learned.
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Age Is Just a Number – Although I had initially believed that our age difference was insignificant, I quickly learned that it plays a huge role in any relationship. Going forward, I understand that age does make a difference, and it can impact a relationship in many different ways.
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Your Relationship Matters – In the end, my marital experience reminded me that the person I choose to commit to is much more important than any other factor. It’s not enough to be with someone who fits the societal criteria, I must choose a partner who can truly understand me and my needs.
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Respect Yourself – Growing up, I was always taught to respect others. However, my experience with an older man reminded me that respecting myself might be even more important. I am never obligated to sacrifice my needs and wants to make someone else happy. That doesn’t mean that I should always choose the easier option, but it does mean that I must listen to my own needs before anybody else’s.
Marrying an older man taught me that age really does matter in relationships, and it can have a huge impact. My experience taught me many important lessons about self-respect, understanding your needs, and choosing the right person for you. I still regret my decision, but I also understand that I learned a lot of valuable lessons from it.
